Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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