ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
