I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
