that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
