ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
