she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
