It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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