yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
