Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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