my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
