The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
