she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
