do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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