He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
