I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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