no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
