Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.

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(409): View more from Texas

Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company

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(469): View more from Texas

I will probably be peed on at some point today.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.

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(480): View more from Arizona

While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.

(602): View more from Arizona

What other scale is there?

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(813): View more from Florida

My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.

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(360): View more from Washington

My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3

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