dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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