It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
