Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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