You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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