Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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