The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
