just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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