I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
