Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
