Your dad touched me again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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