god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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