I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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