I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
