I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
