so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
