Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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