I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
