his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
