One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
