He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
