Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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