i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
