and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
