i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
