I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize