he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have fence marks all over my body
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
