she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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