You're so nebulous sometimes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
