Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
