buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
