hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
