If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
