Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
