NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
