ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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