I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
