Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
