I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
