just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
