She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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