Will you blow on my dice?
She is in my trunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
