I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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