Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize