dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to calm my uterus...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
