dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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