So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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