What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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