apparently the secret to your success is patron
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And then my night got REAL pukey
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
