Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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