R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
