A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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