My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
