I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
