Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize