1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
