I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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