Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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