Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
